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Flower in a hailstorm

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(14 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[13 Feb 2007|04:39pm]
Ask me questions.

(5 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

GONNA DIE LAUGHING [19 Jan 2007|03:51am]

(2 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[19 Jan 2007|03:51am]

(3 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[15 Jan 2007|11:27pm]
some of the best t-shirts I've ever seen...

http://www.threadless.com/product/63/Damn_Scientists
http://www.threadless.com/product/409/Lil_Soap
http://www.threadless.com/product/425/Midnight_Snack
http://www.threadless.com/product/638/Deadless
http://www.threadless.com/product/681/A_Caged_Bird_Dreams

and many many more...shameless unlucrative promotion of awesome website..

(9 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[17 Dec 2006|05:00pm]
<td align="center"> Alyse --
[adjective]:

Insatiable to the point of crazy

'How will you be defined in the sexual dictionary?' at QuizUniverse.com</td>

(6 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[16 Oct 2006|09:10pm]
I am in the bell jar.

(3 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[27 Sep 2006|03:35pm]
Anyone in the Denver/boulder area interested in accompanying me to the Queensryche Show on Friday night? I have an extra ticket...
let me know!

(1 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[31 Aug 2006|09:54am]
so, maynard has done it again.
saved my life.

Tooltooltooltooltool.

what an amazing show.

(THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[29 Aug 2006|03:17pm]
www.truemajority.org

(3 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

things I gotta see... [29 Aug 2006|12:27am]
http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/zennoir/trailer/

http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/azumi/trailer/

http://www.apple.com/trailers/magnolia/pushertrilogy/trailer/

http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/themotel/trailer/

http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/manoftheyear/small.html

GODDAMNIT I AM GOING TO BE SO FUCKING BROKE.

(5 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

when in rome... [19 Aug 2006|03:54pm]
.
wonder. If anyone can see this hell that I'm wading through. behind the dull ache of heartbreak, behind the curious freedom of betrayal of the body. Old habits die hard. they say.

I am in such peices, they only way to hold together is to freeze, to keep going.

'you'll cry. and keep going. always keep going. don't ever stop. if you stop, you'll start to think, and that will make the next step forward harder to take.'

Of course they don't. No one did the last time. I show up, blank faced save for a tired smirk and the baggage around my eyes that they wouldn't let me into an airport with. They shouldn't. There are knives and other violent peices hidden deep in there. Secrets, all the hurt a stranger can carry in clenched fists and vague tears. The baggage, the swollen tear ducts, irritated nasal passages and stomach pains. My shaky hands, these things could give me away.

'I am tired,' I will sweetly explain. 'I am not hungry and will never be. If I was, there would never be enough to fill me up.' My heart thundering in my chest. Perpetual self-destruction. A spiral that never hits.

If I ever hit bottom, you'll know it's what I wanted.

I grin, I laugh, and pray for encroaching darkness, light another cigarette, read another book, watch another movie. Drown myself.

Go ahead, ask, I may tell you. It won't make a difference. You cannot stop me. I'll do what I will. I'll do what I want. I'll kill it all away till there is nothing left.

The morning light will always shine bright. Pure as violence. The moon will always rise and work it's strange magic on our young hearts. Days and days and days.

I smell like death. I am sure of it. I smile, glad, that at least there is something physical about me that portrays the truth.

.

(6 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[26 Jul 2006|10:31am]
I am the brownie goddess.

(5 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[21 Jul 2006|06:53pm]
how do you describe hunger, it lives not in the pits of the stomach with the growling pain, but makes the jaws ache, licking, biting, sucking. If I had my way I'd it it alive, twisting down into me. It wouldn't satisfy but then maybe it wouldn't hurt too much to stare, to think, to feel. Lonely as sin, sweet loss.

I just don't feel anything except the void.
what once was refreshing, feels stagnant.

sometimes I don't know if I can go anywhere.

(THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

CITIZENS OF COLORADO.... [18 Jul 2006|02:21pm]
WHO ELSE IS PLANNING ON GOING TO SEE TOOL AUGUST 30TH?

the details of the show...

Coors Amphitheatre
lawn tix are $35
reserved seats are $55

I'm really thinking I might get reserved seats cause you can still hit up the lawn, too.
kind of disappointed at the venue choice, but it's Tool so I'm so fucking going...

I'd just like to have people go to with...yeah.

(10 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

disclaimer: big pictures, I choose not to resize cause I am lazy. [15 Jul 2006|10:54pm]
The party.
(disclaimer 2: using the wrong setting on the camera resulted in images as fuzzy as the details of the night itself...)
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
what a night...Collapse )

(3 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[14 Jul 2006|04:48pm]
everybody goes dancing and i feel like staying home/got some time for romancing and i turn the radio on/ suddenly i hear your voice and i know we gotta go on/ saturday is calling me baby baby can't you see/ you're my disco playing on the radio you're my disco/ you're my disco playing on the radio you're my disco/ oooo/you're my disco/you're my disco playing on the radio/and i dont wanna let you go/from milan to tokyo, paris won't let you go/from milan to tokyo, i feel so sexy tonight...

(7 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

colder than cold [13 Jul 2006|03:05am]
metal grinding.

the more I think, the blacker my heart is.
it congeals, freezing, like coal.

I will never.
I will never.
I will never.
never say never.

if I lace it all up tight enough.
the heat will remain. the pressure will build.
change will occur, hardening, carbon. harder than steel.
and no one will shatter me. ever.

(5 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[08 Jul 2006|02:52pm]
I'm such an imposter, I style my hair, I put on my makeup, I do the pretty girl thing and it is so fucking wrong because there's only so much I can do to hide the truth.

fuck. goddamnit shit fuck fuck assfuckshit.
I just want to do away with myself.

renfaire doesn't even do anything for me anymore.
counting down to self-immolation.
i'm so tired.

(THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[08 Jul 2006|02:45pm]
ugly fat horrible gross ugly fat mutie freak of fucking nature grotesquely obese stupid little ugly girl freakish bizarre sickening androgenous sideshow....fat fat fat fat fat. gross.

I'm having a terrible day.

(3 NOW TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOURS | THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND)

[05 Jul 2006|02:26am]
oh lady of damage, the soul you steal is blue and black.
swallowing the seconds between the sweet and sorrow
I do not walk, I do not crawl, I hold everything forever.
limbo breaking through to another bleak swollen void
it will take me in and forget my name. forget my face.

I can never look back. I can never stop.

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